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Caution: Overthinker at Work
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You know that feeling when life gives you two choices, and
instead of picking one, you just sit there like a buffering YouTube video,
hoping the universe will decide for you? Yeah, that’s me. Every. Single. Day.
I have officially entered a phase of life where I am both
too exhausted to care and stressed about everything at the same time. I want
excitement, but also peace. I crave change, but also stability. My brain
screams, “Do something!”—and the moment I try, it follows up with, “But
what if it’s wrong?”
So, naturally, I did what any responsible adult would do—I
outsourced my entire decision-making process.
Decisions? Nope. Not My Job Anymore. At this point, my
friends, my family, my group chats, and possibly even my Zomato delivery guy
are making my life choices for me. Should I change careers? Move cities? Cut my
hair? Eat pasta or a sandwich? Who knows! Not me! That’s their problem
now.
And honestly? It felt freeing. If things went wrong, I had a
list of people to blame (just kidding, full blame on me). If things went right?
Obviously, I took full credit. It was a flawless system.
Or at least, I thought it was. Until I realized something.
The Heartbreaking Truth is I am tired. And I don’t
mean “I need a nap” tired—I mean soul-level exhaustion.
Because the thing about letting other people decide for you
is that, after a while, you stop recognizing yourself. You wake up one day and
realize you’re just following a script someone else wrote. And when you look in
the mirror, you don’t even know if you’re the main character of your own story
anymore.
At some point, I stopped trusting myself. Stopped believing
I was capable of making the right choices. Somewhere along the way, I got lost.
And then, I remember that one scene from Tamasha,
where a saint looks at Ranbir Kapoor and says:
“Darta hai? Darr lagta hai? Apni kahani mujhse puchta
hai, kaayar to kisse darta hai? Bata, bol apni kahaani. Kya hai tere dil ke
andar?”
(Afraid? Scared? He asks me his story: what is the coward afraid of?
Tell me, tell your story. What is inside your heart?)
And damn. That hit different. Because if I were to tell my story, what would it even be?
The truth is, I wasn’t always like this. There was a
time—back when life still felt magical—when I believed I was meant for
something special. That I had something extraordinary within me.
“Bachpan mujhse kehta hai mai bohot special hoon.
Lekin usko toh maine kuchal diya.”
(Childhood tells me I am very special. But I crushed him.)
And that? That hurts the most. Maybe that’s why Ranbir Kapoor’s characters always get to me. Because deep down, I see myself in them—the dreamers, the lost souls, the ones trying to piece themselves back together. Maybe I, too, need to stop waiting for permission to be who I was meant to be.
Maybe It’s Time To Take My Life Back. Because the truth is,
no one else is living in my head. No one else carries my dreams, my fears, my
midnight thoughts. No one else wakes up every morning and has to be me.
So why am I acting like someone else should be in charge?
Maybe I won’t get it right all the time. Maybe I’ll make mistakes. Maybe I’ll cringe at my own choices five years from now. But isn’t that the whole point? Life isn’t about choosing the perfect path—it’s about walking forward, one messy step at a time, even when you have no idea where you’re going.
So maybe today, I’ll start small. Maybe I’ll make one
decision—just one—without asking for permission. Maybe I’ll pick what I
actually want for dinner. Maybe I’ll sit with my thoughts instead of running
from them. Maybe I’ll remind myself that I am capable.
Because I am. And you are too. We’re not lost causes. We’re just still finding our way. And that’s okay.
🤌
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